NaNoWriMo Blues

Yep, it's finally finished. I managed to get my Lands Of Mist wrapped up and then zoomed through the sci-fi/humour one.

I feel tired.

Like last year I didn't get that big rewarding feeling I got after I finished my first ever book (and I now realise, for a long time I thought I'd never say that), but that's okay because I wasn't expecting it anyway. The more and more I do it, sure, the better it feels throughout rather than at the end. The "end" leaves a kind of a void and that void brings me closer not to the writing but to life itself.

You see it's in moments like these when things really start to overlap.

Here's a list:
a friend with depression
a friend's critique of a short story
a fellow meditator going through some complicated stuff in his emotional life
the end of a month writing two books at the same time, still trying to figure out if I'm doing the right thing or not
experiences in meditation
family stuff
house stuff
life stuff
snowing throughout the day, home bound but glad
a beautiful night outside that I almost wish it would last forever though I know better
reading Gene Wolfe's Latro In The Mist (two novels in one)
the unmistakable feeling I've never done anything perfect, that everything has always been quite off the mark

Lots of things for you but, for me they're just one. They're all circling that very same thing that I can't put my finger to and that I'm always feeling will descend like an angel from heaven and sweep me and all the problems away, even while knowing that's a chimera more foolish than Quixote's.
I keep telling myself what I know is right but more often than not it just sound ridiculous, redundant and pointless like everything else.

But I know how this rolls also. My brain has been stuck into the same modus operandi for a month. Now it's time to go back to the real world. There are difficulties of adaptation. And the confines of fantasy have revealed their true limitations or, rather, my very own.
Perhaps one of the toughest things in being a writer is not to go crazy since you have to keep on searching for things deeper and deeper and deeper. That is, if you aim to achieve something with those words.
Which is the most foolish thing of all, to actually take them seriously.
But, if you do so, be advised that you are treading dangerous ground. I feel that there are rewards but there are also dangers. It's no wonder that most writers can be identified, categorised, known. They are mapping themselves out and, quite possibly, losing themselves in the process. Perhaps only a handful of the dedicated ones don't lose themselves. Those are the ones to pay attention to.

For they have found a way.

And they might still lead us there.

It's a beautiful night outside. Snow everywhere. As beautiful as it is dangerous. I want to be doing something else right now instead of writing. I don't know what.

Perhaps outside, walking in the cold and the snow. Hearing that vast silence of a city asleep. A silence that can only be made present with so many lying in their slumber. I love that silence. Just like the way I love the way the night is so much brighter whenever there's snow.
A part of me wants this night to go on forever.
But another knows all too well how long moments last.

Peace.

Tuesday's Beckonings

Now that I look back, I already wasn't feeling all that well during that day. But I kept writing stuff for Lands Of Mist as best as I could. I think this was the day I introduced (or at least started to explore a bit more) a new character called Fathiya, one whose role has been increasingly important as these days have passed. I wonder where it will all lead...

This was also the day my brother went back to portugal. I actually woke up at 7am and took him to the train station and so forth but, I was back home around 8 something and I went back to bed...

Schedule:
12-13, 1h - Breakfast
13-15, 2h - Lands Of Mist
15-15.30, 0.5h - Emails
15.30-16.30, 1h - Lands Of Mist
16.30-17.30, 1h - Lands Of Mist
17.30-18.30, 1h - chat + guitar (free falling)
18.30-19.30, 1h - Food
19.30-20.30, 1h - Lands Of Mist
20.30-21, 0.5h - Emails
21-22, 1h - Lands Of Mist
22-00, 2h - Curb Your Enthusiasm + guitar
00-0.30, 0.5h - Lands Of Mist
0.30-01, 0.5h - Meditation

This day kind of blurs with the rest of the week because I've spent most of my time at home writing. Everything becomes a blur - even if keeping a schedule does make you feel you've accomplished something at least...

Peace!

Monday's Lost

Monday was again another day where I didn't manage to write.
And the pressure was building.
I could feel those 12 thousand words tugging me...

07.30-22, 14,5h - Work
22-00, 2h - Rent + Family

After spending most of my day at work I still had to go out and sort out the (overdue) rent for my flat. I didn't really do much after this and I remember thinking since I wasn't going to be able to write anything I might as well have an early night.

Which was what I did...

Peace.

Lazy Sundays

Well, lazy in term of writing...

09-22.30 - Family
22.30-23.30 - Travel Arrangements
23.30-01.30 - FILM, You're Welcome America

Most of sunday was spent with my cousins, crazy as usual but good. Always good to be around so much energy even if sometimes there's just so much noise one can't even hear oneself.
(guess that would be a blessing for many - and for me it is)

When we got home I had to help my brother figure out how he was going to go some place close to Northampton the following day and, honestly, the thing I wanted the most after a busy weekend was some alone time which would enable me to write a little.
Because I couldn't get that I decided I'd see a film instead.
Will Ferrell's You're Welcome America, which was good fun but, being standup wasn't as great as most of his stuff. The extras were extremely funny though and, if just for his amazing performance playing ex-president George W. Bush, it's worthwhile watching.

peace.

One day and no writing...

Yep. That was saturday. A lot happened but little had to do with writing...

7.30-17, 9.5h - Work
17-23, 6h - Family
23-23.30, 05h - Lands Of Mist

After a good but hectic day at work (lately they all seem to be that way) I went my brother to visit my cousins in Billericay and we stayed there for the night - always good fun!
Then, when everybody went to bed I still managed half an hour of writing... but I fell asleep. On the floor.

And that was that...

Peace...

Time Takes Focusing

Here's the schedule for the 5th of November:
10-10.30, 0.5h - Meditation
10.30-11.30, 1h - Food + Hate Bearers
11.30-12.30, 1h - House Cleaning
12.30-13, 0.5h - Blog Post
13-14, 1h - Lands Of Mist
14-15, 1h - Food + House Cleaning
15-17, 2h - Lands Of Mist
17-18, 1h - House Cleaning
18-23, 5h - Travel
23-01, 2h - FILM, Bronson

This was last friday, the day my brother came to see me from Portugal. Therefore I didn't have as much time as usual to write. After cleaning the flat somewhat (it was my turn anyway) I went on the bus to meet with him in Marble Arch. I did write a bit on the way there though not much. After that it was really get ready for work next day and watch the weird Bronson film. It was one of those that I still don't know if I enjoyed or not. And, to complicate things further, it's based on a true story. About England's most violent prisoner.

Peace! Indeed!

Focusing Takes Time

Yesterday was a very productive day. It was one of those days where the writing happens slowly but keeps building some speed throughout the day.

8.30-09, 0.5h - Meditation
09-10, 1h - Food + Wizard Knight
10-10.30, 0.5h - Emails
10.30-11.30, 1h -Lands Of Mist + Royal Mail Claim Form
11.30-120.5h - Guitar playing
12-12.30, 0.5h - Lands Of Mist + Short story
12.30-15, 2.5h - Lands Of Mist
15-16.30, 1.5h - Shopping + Washing
16.30-18, 1.5h - Lands Of Mist
18-19, 1h -Book buying + chat
19-20, 1h - The Hate Bearers Plot + Story + Food
20-23, 3h - The Hate Bearers + Food
23-01.30, 2.5h - FILM - The Blind Side
01.30-02.30, 1h - The Hate Bearers

I wrote quite a bit on both stories and still managed to watch what is now my favourite Sandra Bullock film. The Blind Side. I never thought much of her as an actress but she really comes through on this one. The fact that it's based on a true story helps but, in any case, it's not just her, it's the rest of the cast and it's the script, quite clever, well paced and packing more punches than I'd ever expected.

It felt very good to write some more of The Hate Bearers. My initial intention was to type up most of the stuff I still have scattered around, longhand, in sheets of paper but, as soon as I began typing it, the ideas started flowing and I put the sheets aside and let the story lead me.

In a way I'm trying to have a very different approach to these two stories. In fact something which I think is crucial when writing two books at the same time. Personally I think it's easier if they are different rather than similar. If they're similar one easily tends to repeat things - or at least feel that way. It's easier for things to blur into one another. But, if you're writing a fantastical drama and a sci-fi comedy then you're pretty much safe...

Besides I wanted to have some sense of direction in Lands Of Mist, particularly because I know where it's supposed to end. Whilst in The Hate Bearers, even though I know where it's going to end, I wanted the free floating feeling one has whilst reading much of Kurt Vonnegut's prose and, to a certain extent, Ray Bradbury's. I really want the story to lead this one as much as I am able. And, so far, it's been good fun. A couple of crazy characters have showed up so far and it looks like that most of what I had planned to do may not be necessary at all...

We'll see...

I also read some more of The Wizard Knight which is simply a beautiful book.

And THIS IS what I'm talking about...

Peace!