Malignancy Update

Well, a few days have passed since I first wrote here...

And I've been working pretty much non-stop at this script. Still have 6 scenes to map out so, I don't think I'm gonna finish it today...

As I write this this script is already 11 700 words long.

And, if all goes well, tomorrow a first draft for it will be ready - though I don't know if I'll read it all top to bottom then... I think I need a break!

(I'll work on another story!)

I think it's been going pretty well. A few scenes gave me problems the last few days. I didn't know how I'd visually recreate the intentions I had in my head but I think what's surfaced so far looks pretty good. The script is riddled with inconsistencies but all of them (or at least most of them!) are deliberate - I hope they'll build up on one another towards the sense of realisation I'm aiming for the reader to have when he/she reaches the end of this story.

Yesterday I once again rediscovered something that I'd found quite a while ago: it's easier for me to create panel/visual descriptions with pen and paper than typing them straight onto the screen (unless they're incredibly clear in my head, that is).

Yesterday I was blocked on a scene. Just kept staring at the screen over and over again and nothing came out. I knew what was going to happen - I just couldn't see it visually in a way that appealed to me.

So I just decided to pick pen and paper, shift body posture and see what came out.

I wrote during the next few hours 11 pages of panels and page layouts.

Of course, today I had to type it all up but it was well worthwhile!

Sometimes I think the hardest thing is to keep track of where our mind is - or wants to be!...

Anyway, the learning curve is working it's magic...

See you tomorrow!

(with a finished script...)

Peace.

The Black Dahlia

Is the title of the film I just saw. Brian De Palma directs, based on a James Elroy book, inspired on true events.

Not for everybody I should say. Dark, dark, dark.

If you like Hitchcock... then this is for you.

But if you don't... stay well away...

To be perfectly honest I don't even know what to say about this film. It's too early, too close to be able to. But I feel I've seen some of the most powerful moments contemporary film-making has created.
And this is a pun (somewhat) since so much of what is seen echoes "old school" cinema.

All I can say right now is that I have probably a dozen films that I really want to own (the truly, utterly, impossibly indispensable ones)
And this is one of them.

If only to learn about film-making you should see this film.

And it's a long dark ride.

As soon as I get my grips on "reality" once again I'll write some about it. I think this is going to be one of those films that is going to stick around for a while.

I just hope I won't have any bad dreams tonight.

Whenever I do fall asleep.

Peace...

Moving On

The last few months have been pretty hectic. Between job instability, failing hard drives, being ill, going on my yearly meditation retreat, going home to see my family and doing a great number of things I can't recall anymore, I have managed to write a few new things - with a clean slate starting point...

As soon as I came back from Myanmar I started to type up the ideas that surfaced during the retreat (and they were quite a few...). This is a task still to complete but, I'll get there in due time.

I started working on a couple of scripts, a series of short advertising scripts and a small essay related to food disturbances and meditation insights. Halfway through all these projects a friend mentioned that an animation company she works for was looking for some scripts...

Guess what I did?

Yup. I typed up some of the ideas and sent them to her.
I finished a first draft of two stories (Khanti/Forbearance and Second Sight), revised an old script (In The Wild) I'd sent to a couple of friends ages ago (god bless gmail...) and typed up a fairly detailed synopsis of another short one (Winter Snow/White As Snow/... I still don't know the title for this one...)

Good news right?

Well... perhaps not that good.

Apparently they're really interested in stories that reflect Portuguese culture in some way. And this is precisely one of the things I'm trying to avoid the most in the stories I dabble with. I want them to reflect the "inner culture" rather than the outer one. I don't want to tell tales just for Portuguese (or English, or French or whatever). I want to aim right at the heart and find tales that everybody can relate to, where that cultural backdrop is not crucial (well, for most of them that is...).

So, I don't really think any of these stories will be used by them. Still, these scripts have been completed somewhat and perhaps there will be other people interested in them... time will tell!

I didn't manage to complete the advertising and essay projects before I went to Portugal. They are both lengthy - even if in quite different ways.

I wrote very little in Portugal. For the most part I typed stuff.

And rested...

It was good to soak a bit in the sun and not do very much.

But now I'm back in London and things are moving once again!

I arrived on Wednesday the 23rd.

On Thursday I mapped out yet another story called Malignancy and today (Friday) I've been writing some more of the dialogue (and captions) as well as panel descriptions and page layouts. It's been slow but I'm happy with what I've done so far. This is a somewhat bizarre story and I'm trying to insert unsettling elements (mostly visual ones) throughout the script. It's important that some measure of confusion, of things not adding up, will be present in the tale practically from the onset.

I also wrote a bit on the essay I mentioned in the beginning of this post. I probably have it 70 to 80% completed.
(and there's still revision time to come...)

Apart from this today I joined DropBox and have started a new structure to file all these documents I seem to create all the time... I still have to learn how to synchronize that with my external hard drive but it shouldn't be too difficult.

Tomorrow I aim to continue working on Malignancy (that I'm hoping to send to a couple of friends, to see if any of them know someone that might be interested in drawing it...), perhaps type some more stuff and call/email a data recovery company to see if they can sort my external hard drive, and how much would it cost.

Hope you are well!

Peace...

NaNoWriMo Blues

Yep, it's finally finished. I managed to get my Lands Of Mist wrapped up and then zoomed through the sci-fi/humour one.

I feel tired.

Like last year I didn't get that big rewarding feeling I got after I finished my first ever book (and I now realise, for a long time I thought I'd never say that), but that's okay because I wasn't expecting it anyway. The more and more I do it, sure, the better it feels throughout rather than at the end. The "end" leaves a kind of a void and that void brings me closer not to the writing but to life itself.

You see it's in moments like these when things really start to overlap.

Here's a list:
a friend with depression
a friend's critique of a short story
a fellow meditator going through some complicated stuff in his emotional life
the end of a month writing two books at the same time, still trying to figure out if I'm doing the right thing or not
experiences in meditation
family stuff
house stuff
life stuff
snowing throughout the day, home bound but glad
a beautiful night outside that I almost wish it would last forever though I know better
reading Gene Wolfe's Latro In The Mist (two novels in one)
the unmistakable feeling I've never done anything perfect, that everything has always been quite off the mark

Lots of things for you but, for me they're just one. They're all circling that very same thing that I can't put my finger to and that I'm always feeling will descend like an angel from heaven and sweep me and all the problems away, even while knowing that's a chimera more foolish than Quixote's.
I keep telling myself what I know is right but more often than not it just sound ridiculous, redundant and pointless like everything else.

But I know how this rolls also. My brain has been stuck into the same modus operandi for a month. Now it's time to go back to the real world. There are difficulties of adaptation. And the confines of fantasy have revealed their true limitations or, rather, my very own.
Perhaps one of the toughest things in being a writer is not to go crazy since you have to keep on searching for things deeper and deeper and deeper. That is, if you aim to achieve something with those words.
Which is the most foolish thing of all, to actually take them seriously.
But, if you do so, be advised that you are treading dangerous ground. I feel that there are rewards but there are also dangers. It's no wonder that most writers can be identified, categorised, known. They are mapping themselves out and, quite possibly, losing themselves in the process. Perhaps only a handful of the dedicated ones don't lose themselves. Those are the ones to pay attention to.

For they have found a way.

And they might still lead us there.

It's a beautiful night outside. Snow everywhere. As beautiful as it is dangerous. I want to be doing something else right now instead of writing. I don't know what.

Perhaps outside, walking in the cold and the snow. Hearing that vast silence of a city asleep. A silence that can only be made present with so many lying in their slumber. I love that silence. Just like the way I love the way the night is so much brighter whenever there's snow.
A part of me wants this night to go on forever.
But another knows all too well how long moments last.

Peace.

Tuesday's Beckonings

Now that I look back, I already wasn't feeling all that well during that day. But I kept writing stuff for Lands Of Mist as best as I could. I think this was the day I introduced (or at least started to explore a bit more) a new character called Fathiya, one whose role has been increasingly important as these days have passed. I wonder where it will all lead...

This was also the day my brother went back to portugal. I actually woke up at 7am and took him to the train station and so forth but, I was back home around 8 something and I went back to bed...

Schedule:
12-13, 1h - Breakfast
13-15, 2h - Lands Of Mist
15-15.30, 0.5h - Emails
15.30-16.30, 1h - Lands Of Mist
16.30-17.30, 1h - Lands Of Mist
17.30-18.30, 1h - chat + guitar (free falling)
18.30-19.30, 1h - Food
19.30-20.30, 1h - Lands Of Mist
20.30-21, 0.5h - Emails
21-22, 1h - Lands Of Mist
22-00, 2h - Curb Your Enthusiasm + guitar
00-0.30, 0.5h - Lands Of Mist
0.30-01, 0.5h - Meditation

This day kind of blurs with the rest of the week because I've spent most of my time at home writing. Everything becomes a blur - even if keeping a schedule does make you feel you've accomplished something at least...

Peace!

Monday's Lost

Monday was again another day where I didn't manage to write.
And the pressure was building.
I could feel those 12 thousand words tugging me...

07.30-22, 14,5h - Work
22-00, 2h - Rent + Family

After spending most of my day at work I still had to go out and sort out the (overdue) rent for my flat. I didn't really do much after this and I remember thinking since I wasn't going to be able to write anything I might as well have an early night.

Which was what I did...

Peace.

Lazy Sundays

Well, lazy in term of writing...

09-22.30 - Family
22.30-23.30 - Travel Arrangements
23.30-01.30 - FILM, You're Welcome America

Most of sunday was spent with my cousins, crazy as usual but good. Always good to be around so much energy even if sometimes there's just so much noise one can't even hear oneself.
(guess that would be a blessing for many - and for me it is)

When we got home I had to help my brother figure out how he was going to go some place close to Northampton the following day and, honestly, the thing I wanted the most after a busy weekend was some alone time which would enable me to write a little.
Because I couldn't get that I decided I'd see a film instead.
Will Ferrell's You're Welcome America, which was good fun but, being standup wasn't as great as most of his stuff. The extras were extremely funny though and, if just for his amazing performance playing ex-president George W. Bush, it's worthwhile watching.

peace.