I've just finished revising the last two chapters of this section. One was about a priest and another about an old neighbour. I knew I couldn't keep them in the way they were structure and so this felt more like remixing than plain, straight forward revising.
Once again I had some pleasant surprises with the way the chapters unfolded. Writing does seem to take on a life of its own, especially when you start to believe in it even more than you think you could (or should...)
Today, while at work, I told a colleague of mine that the book was going to be more than 400 pages long. He said, cut it down... but, perhaps for the first time, I didn't really withdraw inside and worry about the possibility of doing it all wrong. It was more like, this is how this book is.
And that's what really matters.
That's why I started to write it.
I didn't write it thinking of a particular format, thinking of how it should be in formal terms. I just wanted to say something, to say it well and, above all, to actually let these things speak for themselves.
I want this book to feel alive.
And this is what I've been feeling sometimes. Through the hours where I'd rather be watching a film or reading someone else's book. Seeing time go by and this path ahead of me which, if I refuse to walk it, will never take me anywhere.
So I wrote today again amazed at the magic that sometimes happens on the page. In all honesty, I don't really feel that I'm doing it. I feel I'm the scribe more than the author. It's like looking at a puzzle. With time the pieces start to fit and make sense. But did you create it?
Anyway, two chapters that didn't seem to have much going for them have turned into something deeply interwoven into the book.
(and if I ever get an editor for this book I'm gonna have a tough time to cut stuff out...)
Besides this I read vols. 26 and 27 of Takehiko Inoue's Vagabond.
No reviews for any of these yet. I love this series so much that I'm not the least worried in doing what would probably prove itself to be a rushed review. I think I'll probably wait until the series ends (within a few years) and, from the vantage point of completion, then discuss it in some length. Suffice to say that this series has taken me through some terrible and yet very beautiful places. It all makes sense. You just gotta let it breathe...
It's past 3am. I should be sleeping. I have to wake up at 7.30am.
I shouldn't be here talking to you.
But I am.